Guidance should focus on matters of faith; it must not be concerned only with means and methods unrelated to faith, Also, we must safeguard the privacy of members seeking guidance. It is because they trust us that they confide to us things they would otherwise hold back. We must keep any such secret to ourselves and under no circumstance divulge it. Mr. Toda was very strict about this.
The Gosho, “Letter to Misawa,” states, “With the appearance of this teaching, all the teachings advocated by the scholars and teachers of Buddhism during the Former and Middle Days of the Law will be like stars after sunrise or an awkward apprentice beside a skilled craftsman.” When Mr. Toda gave guidance to those who clung to a low state of life, he did not deny their attachment. Instead, he tried to make them realize for themselves that their condition of life was low by indicating a higher one. For example, suppose your baby is playing with a broken toy.
You worry that it may injure him, and tell him to throw it away, yet he clings to it even more tightly than before. Instead, if you buy him a new, finer plaything, he will discard the old one without being told. The same principle applies to individual guidance, Mr. Toda used to say. He did not tell members to rid themselves of their desires; he led them to awaken, of their own accord, to a higher level of faith so that they could transform such desires into causes for enlightenment.
Another thing we should bear in mind when giving individual guidance is that we must discern whether the recipient is truly seeking advice or merely complaining. If he is simply complaining and we fail to perceive it, our guidance may do him more harm than good. Mr. Toda was very sharp in recognizing the difference.
Sometimes he would severely reprimand someone, saying, “It is your tendency to complain, which is the cause of all your unhappiness.” He would remind that person of the need to strengthen his life force, which was now so weak that he was being defeated by his environment and could do nothing other than complain. Suppose a woman comes to you and says, “My husband comes home drunk every night and goes to bed without doing gongyo. Please give him guidance.” You take her remark at face value and comply. The husband is enraged that she divulged his weakness to a third party.
Your guidance, far from helping, has instead provoked a domestic quarrel, In such a case, Mr. Toda would say, “It is your destiny to have a hard time because of your husband. That, in terms of your life, is the reason why he drinks and you go through hardships. You are the one who is suffering, aren’t you? Instead of complaining about him, you should try to change your own destiny which is the underlying cause of your unhappiness. “Pray to the Gohonzon that he will begin to practice earnestly as soon as possible.
You should pray that he will embrace the Gohonzon, not that he will stop drinking, It won’t do you any good just to blame him and his liquor, The Buddhist way to look at it is that your own faith has so far not been strong enough to enable you to change your destiny. Hence his drinking and your hardships. Realize that the only way to improve the situation fundamentally is to pray that he will begin practicing. It is also important for you to chant lots of daimoku in apology for the fact that you have been blaming everything on him without assuming responsibility for your own karma.”
